Engrish

The stereotypes are true, people. And you thought it was just in Japan that they pronounce “l” as “r” and vice versa. No, no. It seems that cool trend is happening here too. I still forget that “correct” is “collect” and “leery” is “really.” In the classes I taught with younger students, I would say the alphabet and have them repeat after me. Even the students get the sounds mixed up! I think they use these sounds interchangeably in Thai language because the word for “delicious” is “alloy,” but sometimes it’s “arroy.” When I asked which was correct, Wanida (my host) said both.
Along with great food, fake handbags, and strange meat delicacies, Asia is well-known for hilarious t-shirts with bogus English sayings. My favorite so far has been “I want to shart a party, a party with you.” I have also enjoyed “J & D: Dolce and Gobanna,” which is a total misspelling and the letters are mixed up. Digging through racks of kooky t-shirts is something I love to do in my free time (that is when I’m not wandering through 7-11 wondering how the packages of dried, shredded sea creatures taste). I found an awesome retro-style bright orange tee for about $1.50 that reads “Strictly for My Ninjas” and shows four ninjas doing high kicks. Can’t wait to wear that one back home.
Not only do weirdo sayings come on t-shirts, but the “too cool for school” 14 and 15 year-old boys here find it really fun to sport English words on their backpacks. One kid (who is even too cool for English class) scribbled “The Dog Group” in big letters across the front of his bag. Very intimidating. I have also seen words like “Satan,” “help,” and “doom.” I guess I am not cool enough to realize how great this trend is. Not that I want to admit this, but to me, it seems almost silly.

Fake designer wallets, bags, jewelry, and anything else you can print a name on are as common as fruit stands. Practically every female teacher at Wat Jaeng School (my school) carries a Louis Vuitton or Chanel bag. They were probably each 15 dollars from the small shop down the street, or even cheaper from the street fair every Wednesday. Vendors at the market wear Lacoste polos under their stained aprons. Fourth-graders sport Playboy sweatshirts (I hope they just think it’s a cute bunny). Copyright laws? Maybe not such a big deal.
I have caught quite a few mistakes in the English textbooks here. Not only are some of their vocab. words really random (ie. diarrhea, yacht, hang-gliding), some of the grammar is blatantly wrong. Wanida speaks very good Engrish. Her English is only ok. In her class the students were learning about aches of the body. My job was to read each one and the students would repeat it. “Stomachache,” “backache,” “headache,” etc. Wanida would repeat the word with the students, emphasizing the last syllable like the “ch” sound in “Charlie.” Not wanting to correct the teacher in front of the class, I heavily emphasized that the last syllable in each word sounds like the “c” in “carrot.” The more I emphasized it, the more she did with the wrong sound! I feel this situation sums up the Engrish of rural Thailand public schools. Ok, so that’s a sweeping generalization. They simply don’t hear me as I hear myself.
I have also been asked some questions with very strange wording. This gets quite humorous at times. One student’s mother asked me, “what is you go country?” Translation: Which countries have you visited? Just last night at the market, Wanida’s sister was trying to tell me when I had met one of her friends before. She insisted I had met this lady, who I had never seen before. “You go with me seven, you go, she” was what she kept repeating. I have yet to determine the translation. My favorite of the strange questions is decipherable: “Are you boring?” means “Are you bored?” The slight change in the word “bored” comes to have a very different meaning when phrased like this.
Besides getting a bit frustrated when people answer my non-“yes” or “no” questions with “yes” or “no (Where is the bathroom? “Yes.”),” I am doing fine. I hope winter is treating you well. Think beachy thoughts…